I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
