remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
