Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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