Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
