i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
