WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
