East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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