theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
