Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
We have so much sex to catch up on
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
