i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize
