My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Randomize
