I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
