We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
