oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
