im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
