Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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