My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
