"it" just moved
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
