Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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