wat bout pragnant strippers??
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
