your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
