I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Randomize
