Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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