I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
