I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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