All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
