Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize