So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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