I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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