You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
