Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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