brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
that may or may not have been my penis.
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