You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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