i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
