there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize