my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I can't turn off my feet"
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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