Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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