I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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