Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize