the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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