i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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