you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
