Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
