she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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