Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
The air taste purple.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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