Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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