Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
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