why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
