my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize