I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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