Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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