in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
