It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
