i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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