I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
whose parrot is this?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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