He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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