I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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