Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
