don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
