My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize