we should wear snuggies to the strip club
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
