Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
