Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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