This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
