I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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