I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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