8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Randomize
