Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
