Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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