So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
