So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
