so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
