i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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