Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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