I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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