Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize