Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
