can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
