I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
