We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize