wakey wakey hands off snakey
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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